I’m not talking about swearing or back talk. I’m talking about the way we say things to ourselves and the way we think.
I hear my clients say:
I need to do this, otherwise...
I have to do this, or else...
I should be doing this, but…
The driving force for these statements 'I need to', 'I have to', 'I should be’, are coming from external. They all sound like someone or something is forcing them to do it. They feel reluctant and perhaps even fearful. No wonder they’re dragging their butts & dreading to do these things.
So what are we supposed to do? First, changing the motivation to come from within. How does this phrase sound instead: Iwantto or I chooseto because…
So how are you going to find your ‘want' when you literally don’t want to. For example, you’re 35 and think you should be looking for jobs with a better title because that’s the path a lot of your family members took when they were younger, and your friends seem to be doing the same. Question is, do you want a job with a ‘better’ title because that title comes with added responsibilities like for example, leadership. If you’re someone who work better alone instead of in a team environment, even if you get a job with a better title, you might not last long in that role because as a leader, you’ll need to work well in a team.
Well Fiona, that doesn’t solve the problem. I still feel like I should be advancing in my career but it is still a ’should be’ and I feel like I’m being forced to do it. The question to ask is why. Why do you want to advance in your career? And for some, it is money. With a better title, you get better pay. I mean, who doesn’t like some extra cash in the bank account? This is what I’ve learned, you don’t need to advance in your career to get higher pay. All you have to do is look for a job with better pay. No matter what position you’re in, there will always be companies out there who are willing to pay more. So now your narrative will change from "I need to find a job with a better title" to "I want to find a job that will pay me what I’m worth". How empowering is that statement?
But sometimes you just can’t find it within you to do it. So what do you do? Think of something positive that can motivate you. For example, you’ve been dreading this assignment because it is too tedious. What can motivate you to finish that assignment? Maybe you can plan to have a drinking party with a friend. Or you get an extra cheat meal. Or you plan to bing watch Netflix when it is done. So instead of saying I have to do this or else my butt is gonna get fired. You’ll say I can’t wait to finish this assignment so I can pop open that bottle of wine. Sometimes all we need is positive motivation to shift our energy from dread, worry, fear to just something to look forward to.
The more you catch yourself thinking these ‘I need to’ statements and ask why you 'need to’, the better you get to understand your resistance and what you really want instead.
Still not sure how to switch from I need to I want, set up a clarity call with me and we can explore together.
I help professional women navigate through their career transition by helping them find their own success formula and find the right job.
I was once unsure of my career path for a very long time. I was frustrated, full of fear & self-doubt and felt lonely during the whole job search process. I help my clients holistically so they can accelerate the process without being held back by the same frustrations, fears & self-doubts.
My clients are able to focus on the process and find their dream job - some with just one session.